looked like I had everything – a beautiful home, 4 healthy kids,
a nice husband – a social life - nice cars - affluent lifestyle
- many nice things. That is what I had been programmed to attain - that
is what success looked like - until I asked the question - “Is
this it?” “Is this all there is?”
Upon entering the 13th Moon Mystery School in March of 2001 - I was
a 44 year old suburban wife and mother - with kids ages 6, 7, 11, &
14 and a husband of 20 years- an orthopedic surgeon –- angry at
my husband (sex was almost non-existent) - sick and tired of motherhood
and all of its demands - sick of my life. I felt that I had lost myself
- didn’t really know who I was anymore and where I was going and
began taking pain medication (and became addicted) for this ailment
or that ailment. I was dealing with a very painful shoulder after having
had a shoulder surgery. My pattern was to have surgery on some part
of my body when things got really bad - this was my 10th surgery.
I was trying to live in the dreams and wishes of my parents, church,
and society (being raised in the deep south) but I felt like my body
and spirit were dying. I just hid behind being “social”-
over-committing – staying overwhelmed - trying to be “superwoman/supermom”
- wondering what was wrong with me -not to mention wracked with guilt.
I wanted to love what I was doing and to live in gratitude and didn’t
know why I wasn’t. It was a vicious cycle. I had many painful
emotions that I was holding and not moving. I was stuck. I had lost
my connection with Spirit/God which was ironic because I thought I had
one - I had been very involved in my church for 10 years!
I entered the 13th Moon Mystery School - scared to death but ready to
do something different and looking for some connection to myself - to
God - to Spirit. I began to learn more about the Métis Medicine
Ways. I began to find MY voice - speak MY truth (what was true for ME)–
and to begin speaking it to my family – especially my husband
- with the help of my teachers/leaders. I learned about the “talking
stick” - an ancient tool for communication and began using this
form of communication with my husband and family once a month.
This was a huge piece for me. I was able to find parts of me that yearned
to be expressed that were separate from mom or wife. I was able to stop
taking prescription drugs and to have fun without a substance. I found
and continue to nurture my connection with the 4 worlds (plants, animals,
minerals, and humans) and I’m healing my deep loneliness. When
I feel lonely I can connect with a tree or an animal or go to my drum.
In learning and doing earth honoring ceremonies out in nature such as
sweat lodge (which was terrifying for me at first but is now very powerful),
vision quest (done during ceremonial week), and anger ceremonies - I
found a connection with my ancestors/Spirit/myself/All That Is.
my story is different. I am enjoying motherhood and being a mom (most
of the time!). I laugh a lot. I have healed and continue to heal many
of my old beliefs, sexual hang-ups, pain, and anger around sex with
my husband - and he is very supportive of this movement! I have more
equality in my marriage now – one where we are growing and evolving
and giving each other space to be autonomous. This was a big issue because
he didn’t understand this path I was taking - it was quite foreign
to him. I have also learned to honor my husband instead of always being
angry at him because I didn’t know how to speak about my pain.
We really are communicating much more openly and honestly. I am now
drug free and feel great. I have healed most of the pain in my shoulder
and continue to let go of what is stuck in it - now seeing my shoulder
as a teacher that guides me instead of a tyrant. I won’t sugar
coat it though - it took some intense work - and letting go of some
painful emotions and fears. But I found that I have courage so I will
continue to work for balance - always.
I am seeing so many possibilities in my life now – I love the
teachings I received about the Métis Medicine Ways. They speak
to my heart. I practice and live many of the tools and teachings I was
taught such as Lightwork - which are energy clearings and healings.
Besides receiving Lightwork sessions, I do them for others. Connecting
with the animals and plants and allowing them to teach me - desiring
to live as an open hearted human - and communicating openly and honestly
are all ways I am changing. The mystery school was a container to help
unlock many hidden places within me (with the help of my amazing teachers
and leaders) – and I want to pass along to others what has been
so profound for me. My family and I have a wonderful gift - Dove Creek
Ranch - where the next mystery school will be - the 13 Healing Moons
of the Great turtle Mystery School. We are renovating and co-creating
a beautiful space for many to experience!
I have found a deep connection with Spirit that fulfills me. I have
peace and joy and freedom – things I haven’t felt in so
long. I have found my true power – being in alignment and integrity
with the 4 worlds. Continuing to heal through pleasure - not just pain
and suffering. Being a responsible human within my family and community.
Being comfortable in my own skin.
I am finally consciously making the choice to walk in beauty - which
is the path of the Métis Medicine Ways.
am living my sacred Dream!
To All My Relations! Laurie Mountain Star Light
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